Double Mint

Double the pleasure, double the fun, double the trouble, I've got to run...
So its been a while since i've written last so lets see... soccer has ended and finals are well underway.
but on to what this post is really about, AK issues have almost reached a critical point. I really thought things with A were over but then she confronted me and well they weren't. She still hasn't made her decision, but then again neither have I.

This is problematic because I'm still most definitely talking to K, and while i'm keeping things from moving forward, I so wish they would sometimes. With break quickly approaching I might be heading towards the point of no return. A is going to be in Ohio for most of break, and while shes gone i might be hanging out with K. If something happens with K while we are hanging out, i really don't know what i'm going to do. It would definitely be my breaking point. I'd have to commit one way or another. stupid morals...

The lion King - I just can't wait to be king

Rawr! I'm feeling pretty good.

Can't say that I'm proud

This Sunday has been terrible. We lost our soccer game saturday night and i come home and get into it with my sister. Today it got to a point where i almost hit her. She needs to learn respect and sometimes if I'm already in a bad mood it just becomes too much. I did kick her but otherwise i took out my anger in a much more effective (yet more juvenile) way. I always have snippets of blackmail that i collect periodically from her messaging with people, etc. Saturday night i hit the jackpot catching her saying she hates our parents, that she has no problem lying to them, she sneaks around constantly, and isn't a virgin anymore.

All of this is currently my desktop background with the words "Heres your little angel for you" splashed across the page. I made no announcements about it. I'm letting my parents discover it on their own. My mom already read it, and she was indignant. I do know some things was the only response that i got. My sister left crying for her friends house.

Hopefully she has learned her lesson, because I certainly don't feel bad. I just wish I didn't have to go to the extremes I do to get her to not be a slutty spoiled bitch.

Bingo Bango Bongo

Went to play bingo tonight. it was fun, even if david wimped out. it was also really depressing though. i don't think its ever been more obvious that i don't really have AK issues, its K or nothing.

BAD:
this realization
school stuff

Good:
the weekend
soccer
closer to christmas :-)

Fruit of the loom (aka passion fruit)

I really hate the position I’m in. My AK problems are really just becoming frustrating. I don’t want to have to go back and forth between them. I want to be able to choose. It’s harder then that though, because neither show distinct interest and both have complications. While I’m not sure A is right for me, and for good reason when you look at the specifics, K isn’t much better. With A things seem fake or at least loaded with BS half the time. Very rarely are we talking about anything of substance. With K it’s the exact opposite, we are always talking about family issues, her hip, her surgery, our pasts, what makes us happy. It’s everything I want in that aspect but I have no guarantee of how she feels about me. A has admitted that she likes me, but things seem to change suddenly. Immediately after this admittance, we were seeing what would happen, then not very long after that, it seems like we were back to just friends and maybe we should give up on the ever being more then that. Now that I really would like to commit to K, it seems like she’s grasping on and trying to rekindle things. I don’t want friendship, I want passion.

yay!

this is the first time i've decided to update when i'm not supposed to be doing anything else, unless you count sleeping of course. i could totally be doing that right now.

I'm really starting to get into the holiday mood. All the christmas shows have been on, and we finally got our decorations down from the attic and are decorating my house. Christmas is easily my favorite time of year, it is all about Love and unlike valentines day its a bit less commercial and a bit more widespread. i'm not spending my time looking for one person i can make happy in hopes that they will return the favor. instead i'm looking at how i can make everyones holidays just a bit brighter.

I'm having AK issues as always. Sometimes i wonder if they are more trouble then they are worth. My priorities keep changing but the situations don't and if they do, much too slowly. It would be nice to be able to share some special moments this winter. I want to curl up in front of a fire, lay down and let the snow fall over me, have a playful snowball fight, lively conversation over cocoa or cider, kiss under the mistletoe ;-)
Whether i like it or not, Christmas is most definitely intertwined with love (notice the difference) and love is where we are to quote something....

Random Thoughts:

I'm not sure how random these are because really the whole thing is just my random thoughts ya know?

I'm excited about bingo this friday. whos knows, maybe i'll win!

I really need to run more, getting so out of shape....

i'm a bad man

It seems like the only time i get on this and make posts is when i'm seriously screwed when it comes to school work. and curses, monica found it. thats what i get for commenting on hers i guess. its ok though because i love moni? and as long as she doesn't go off telling all my secrets i think i'll be ok.

Random Thoughts:
i feel pretty. hahahahaha

i watched rudolph the red nosed rain deer, it was amazing. i love christmas!

i connected way to much to the simpsons the other night about heart break, and making the right decisions when it comes to love. "Love screws everybody up" -Bart Simpson

i really wish i knew what i was doing in life right now...

new new new

I'm not sure if i'm going to tell people about this. I just thought it would be a nice place to organize thoughts and waste time. i know it beats studying for a calc test..mmhmm