The next big thing??

I've started singing more and more recently. I don't think I'm what you call good but it calms me down and i've kinda started doing it when i'm frisbee golfing by myself up in the park. To be honest if anyone saw me they'd probably think i was crazy up in the middle of the woods in the dead of winter playing frisbee golf and singing whatever comes to mind. ahh well, i never claimed to be sane.

its been more then a month since my last post.
a lot has changed recently.
i'm not really talking to anyone now.
school is lame as ever.
friends are where its at i suppose.
i need to get in shape
seriously....

Double Mint

Double the pleasure, double the fun, double the trouble, I've got to run...
So its been a while since i've written last so lets see... soccer has ended and finals are well underway.
but on to what this post is really about, AK issues have almost reached a critical point. I really thought things with A were over but then she confronted me and well they weren't. She still hasn't made her decision, but then again neither have I.

This is problematic because I'm still most definitely talking to K, and while i'm keeping things from moving forward, I so wish they would sometimes. With break quickly approaching I might be heading towards the point of no return. A is going to be in Ohio for most of break, and while shes gone i might be hanging out with K. If something happens with K while we are hanging out, i really don't know what i'm going to do. It would definitely be my breaking point. I'd have to commit one way or another. stupid morals...

The lion King - I just can't wait to be king

Rawr! I'm feeling pretty good.

Can't say that I'm proud

This Sunday has been terrible. We lost our soccer game saturday night and i come home and get into it with my sister. Today it got to a point where i almost hit her. She needs to learn respect and sometimes if I'm already in a bad mood it just becomes too much. I did kick her but otherwise i took out my anger in a much more effective (yet more juvenile) way. I always have snippets of blackmail that i collect periodically from her messaging with people, etc. Saturday night i hit the jackpot catching her saying she hates our parents, that she has no problem lying to them, she sneaks around constantly, and isn't a virgin anymore.

All of this is currently my desktop background with the words "Heres your little angel for you" splashed across the page. I made no announcements about it. I'm letting my parents discover it on their own. My mom already read it, and she was indignant. I do know some things was the only response that i got. My sister left crying for her friends house.

Hopefully she has learned her lesson, because I certainly don't feel bad. I just wish I didn't have to go to the extremes I do to get her to not be a slutty spoiled bitch.

Bingo Bango Bongo

Went to play bingo tonight. it was fun, even if david wimped out. it was also really depressing though. i don't think its ever been more obvious that i don't really have AK issues, its K or nothing.

BAD:
this realization
school stuff

Good:
the weekend
soccer
closer to christmas :-)

Fruit of the loom (aka passion fruit)

I really hate the position I’m in. My AK problems are really just becoming frustrating. I don’t want to have to go back and forth between them. I want to be able to choose. It’s harder then that though, because neither show distinct interest and both have complications. While I’m not sure A is right for me, and for good reason when you look at the specifics, K isn’t much better. With A things seem fake or at least loaded with BS half the time. Very rarely are we talking about anything of substance. With K it’s the exact opposite, we are always talking about family issues, her hip, her surgery, our pasts, what makes us happy. It’s everything I want in that aspect but I have no guarantee of how she feels about me. A has admitted that she likes me, but things seem to change suddenly. Immediately after this admittance, we were seeing what would happen, then not very long after that, it seems like we were back to just friends and maybe we should give up on the ever being more then that. Now that I really would like to commit to K, it seems like she’s grasping on and trying to rekindle things. I don’t want friendship, I want passion.